Life & Love & Lessons Learned

The Shopping List

I make a list. I take it with me. I go to the grocery store with the list. The list tells me what I need.  I should follow the list. I park the car, grab my cart and I’m ready. I’ve got the list in my hand.  And then I walk in, and I’m immediately distracted by the smell of freshly carved turkey breast. Ooooh, yes, I need that. And while I’m waiting at the deli counter, I spy some of that tortellini pasta salad, you know, the pretty tri-colored one…looks like it was just made. Sign me up for a tub of that!

I smile widely as I’m handed my non-listed items, and carry on. I stroll by the bakery. Keep going. Keep going. I don’t need anything here. There’s nothing from the bakery on the list. Wait, oooh Italian bread. There’s nothing like fresh baked Italian bread. Yes, I need that. I’ll make a sauce! For the bread! Yes, I’ll invite my folks over.

That reminds me, I need fresh basil. For the sauce. Oh, and I should make chicken cutlets. My mom loves those. 

I glance at the list. I mean, I took such care in making it. I even divided it up by aisle, because you know…I’m crazy. Milk, Bread…it’s all written down. I gotta follow the list.

But if I’m making a sauce and chicken cutlets for my folks, I should invite my brother and his wife too. I’ll need a salad, and dessert.

I peruse the aisles for the listed items, but find myself distracted by the Buy One Get One note cards, in neon orange and yellow, placed below certain groceries. Yes, I need this. I’ve always wanted to try Tuna Creations with Chicken. What? Is it Tuna? Is it Chicken? Well, there’s a coupon so I guess I’m gonna find out!

Oh, and pickle flavored potato chips? On sale? What? This is my lucky day!

When I finally get in line,  I’m inevitably behind someone who’s either paying with a check, someone who knows the cashier and they’re catching up on the latest episode of blah, blah, blah…or someone who decides to pay in change.

I smile as I wait for what seems like an eternity, and when it’s finally my turn, I smile at the cashier.

But she’s not smiling back because apparently I’m in the 20 and under lane and I have more than 20 items. Where does it say that? I didn’t see that and I’ve been to this store, in this lane, like 200,000 times.

Oh no, here it comes. A hot flash. I’m about ready to break out into a full on sweat. I can feel the hair on the back of my neck…oh no. Oh, and now the elbow creases…What to do? What to do? Can I put a few things back? And she’s looking at me with a death stare, so I take the divider and tell her I’m purchasing 5 of those items for my mom who’s in the hospital. Really? Did I just say that? Sorry, mom.

The lady behind me is rolling her eyes.

I had a list!” I blurt out. “It only had like, 5 things on it.” I’m holding up the list. Proof.

But the turkey smelled so good…and I saw the bread…” I’m rambling. I’m a complete mess. The cashier is ringing me up. Thank God my kids aren’t here to witness this embarrassment.

When I pull into the driveway, and open the back door, I see all the bundles.

I got this.

I’m telling you right now, I would rather lose all feelings in my arms, and carry 14 bundles in one trip, than have to turn back around and make a second trip. What is it about making that second trip?

And as I’m taking the groceries and putting them on the counter, I see my list, crumpled up at the bottom of one of the bags. I open it back up.

Damn it, I forgot the milk.

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